fly away where?

'tis most appropriate that winnipeg is pegged (no pun intended) as the geographical centre of north america; for i spent most of today's conscious moments as if i were wandering middle earth. in so much emotional pain, i literally had trouble willing my jaw plate to scissor and speak.

like a hobbit, i am a small person with large (perhaps, not as hairy) feet...

[my kidney disease stunting my full, potential growth of 5'9'']

...and so these flesh boots trip me up on figurative, reactive land mines all day long.

keeled over by the weight of a 20 lb. sack of one singular realization: nothing around me is making sense! families wrapping presents, statistical hockey banter and how balmy the minus 5 (23 degrees fahrenheit) weather has been this winnipeg holiday season...and this didn't make sense to a canadian addict!...

but i have half an hour left, and guess what...

even though i hibernated deep, chattering, like the black, torontonian squirrel for most of the day...

even though i wanted to chug like fire, ablaze, something as liquid gold and sticky sweet as canadian-grade maple syrup...

and even though i desperately wanted to fly south, floating on wings of desire, denying this isn't my life...

[fly away home? but home is inside. and i can't find it.]

i didn't.

and my emotions, against all odds, didn't kill me...

just for today.