migraine...take me away...

migraines wait for no-one...even in rehab...

but there's a curious gift that's unwrapped everytime i'm cloaked in pain.

the heavy, velvet cape sheathes a burden of discomfort, pure, crystalline agony; but it's weight grounds me in a moment to moment existence...

complete surrender.

i have surrendered, accepted, my kidney disease; the one that left me dependent on other people's organs to survive. if i can do that, surely i can accept this disease of thinking, compulsion, obsession. it is just as fatal as not taking care of "the kid"..."our kid"..."my kid"...

[c'mon...just one more drink...follow the yellow brick road...to "jails, institutions or death"...]

i hate...the insidious aura that takes me back to age 17. purple, grape juice sweet, bedroom. teenage dream knocked sideways. addict awakened as she gobbles 4 tylenol; terrified...what is this new pain?

i hate...the loss of yet another sunrise/sunset. bedridden flip flopping. spatula-ed restlessness. no-comfort zone.

i hate...the imitrex that creeps up on me with unfamiliar fingers, choking at my throat. swollen digits, puffy flesh, a body impatiently waiting at customer service without a receipt.

but, you, you monstrous, morphing creature, you unwittingly leave me with something...

i would rather have another transplant than have another migraine...

but you remind me hour by hour, minute by minute, second by agonizing second, that i don't have control...and that i have to...

let go and let migraine...