home bittersweet home

dodgy, wintery sky. long, palm shadows. and diarrhea 8 times before high noon.

[at first i thought i was dying, and then i remembered inhaling an endive /beet (stress: beet) salad the other night...]

as i ran around "klean" gathering the last of my possessions, i felt ready to snap; shaking, stretched long and thin like an elastic band.

arriving home, i stood on the edge of our view; of something, uncertain what to do first.

and so i grabbed my OCD by my blueballed lists and ripped and ripped and ripped...conservatively 64 down, no more to go...

["no more lists, henny dearest...now what?"...]

unchartered anxiety; unhinged compass, arrow haywiring due nowhere...

ah, first came the hug, then comes the marriage, and so off we went...

...to a meeting...together. to the gym...together. talking...together. being together.

and still, a teeny, tiny, GIGANTIC, welcome home gift..."your immunosuppressives have been reduced another 25 mg. a day. your creatinine is 1.1".

[apparently the 20 lbs. of swelling i've accumulated in under 5 weeks finally convinced the tx. team of my legitimate, painful side effects..."4 more months until your 1st anniversary; then we can reduce them to less than half"...]

is juicy couture still in or is it sean john now? 'cause i need me some temporary FAT SWEATS. STAT!

any brief happy here today, is now slip sliding away into surrealism...

[call sponsor! go! contrary action! go! live in the moment! go! get numbers at meeting! go! go to the gym! go! blog! read from the big book! go!]

done. still shaking like a maple leaf...

but the toilet seems safe for now...