adventures in (sub)urbia

this morning she could NOT get this body to move. it was in a deeply committed relationship with the curl of her hound's back, and she didn't want to relinquish it...

[seriously. how DO you parents do it?]

but, hoodie up, snoopy pj's dragging, she danced the sleepy, rehab shuffle over to the common area, only to be informed,

"you are getting a roommate"...

"WHAT!" (and that was not her inner voice)

[not so sleepy anymore, eh?]

she started to panic at the idea of sharing her tiny bedroom with the unknown detoxer. a glassy eyed, incoherent, panicked mess of an addict. most likely selfish, self-absorbed and liable to be a gigantic pain in her ass...

[hmmm....remind you of anyone, girl?]

the morning prayer of acceptance held a mirror up to her irrational behavior and her internal thinking flip-switched over from reactive to responsive; her heart, seized skintight short, mellowed like creamy butter on hot morning toast, and opened wide and far to a new adventure...

and so, with demure humility, she apologized to two techs, returning their heads she had aggressively ripped off with bared teeth and morning breath...

and with this humility, she was met with such genuine love and relentless teasing...that this one hit the tape first for quickest life lesson ever learned...

all before breakfast.

and when her roommate, m, arrived from washington, she was crying...like she had been...
she was disoriented and overwhelmed...like she had been...
she was detoxing off benzos...like she had been...
she has a great man that she stole pills from...like she had...
and she is now lying asleep, fetal, in our bedroom, tears in her eyes...like she had...

she didn't get to go to the gym today, but, b, the tech, took her to "smart and final"instead, to help with community groceries.

she got to organize the community kitchen.

she had an amazing yoga class, that sizzled all her chakra fuses out with a sigh; with a body that remembered strength and poses from 6 years ago...namaste, indeed.

they didn't make it to the na meeting, because the streets of los angeles proper are shut down due to a shooting spree at hollywood and vine this morning.

[...infamous glamour...infamous horror..."hooray for hollywood"...]

but they stopped on the way back, and witnessed some phenomenal graffiti done by s, (a client here for one year) on gower st.'s walls, between santa monica and melrose, right across from paramount studios. encouraged graffiti runs along these walls; sophisticated color combinations, subtle shading and textures upon fences and brick... and the shit. blew. her. mind.

true urban art. true adventure. true dat...

she made a date with her sponsor for next saturday. and she leaves in 5 days, on wednesday the 14th.

[she is terrified. she is excited. she wants to vomit all day long.]

but all she knows is that today she found happy. not all day. not most of the day....

but she found it.

somewhere in surrendering to today's adventures...

she found happy.