About Me

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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

there can be joy

i have very little time to blog tonight. maggie may was dropped off during computer time, but i couldn't be happier about it. many clients have dogs here and she has already disappeared into the wilds of klean; bonding with a pitbull, a great dane, a golden retriever and an australian shepherd.

i have joy tonight.

i went to cedars-sinai for my transplant clinic and a neurologist appointment this morning. by myself.

everyone was nothing but thrilled for me when i apprehensively mumbled that i was in rehab. i had been figuratively picking at my nails, wracked with misgivings and worry. but i was utterly flipped.

i left the complex feeling empowered. i had support. these people believed in me. i can believe in me.

today my therapist laid a blanket of normalcy over my downward pharmaceutical spiral. he said, "do you know how many chronically ill people become physically addicted to painkillers?"

it's still no excuse. but life's been a tough pill to swallow.

i so i have a thin veneer of joy sheathing my heart tonight. it does not smother the omnipresent pain in my gut or the ache in my heart, but i feel it's potential.

i touched my husband's face today. tonight i will sleep with maggie may and...

my creatinine was 0.8. the lowest ever. even immediately after surgery.

and i don't have to return to the transplant clinic for 3 months.

i am one fucking lucky girl.

1 comment:

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