i have very little time to blog tonight. maggie may was dropped off during computer time, but i couldn't be happier about it. many clients have dogs here and she has already disappeared into the wilds of klean; bonding with a pitbull, a great dane, a golden retriever and an australian shepherd.
i have joy tonight.
i went to cedars-sinai for my transplant clinic and a neurologist appointment this morning. by myself.
everyone was nothing but thrilled for me when i apprehensively mumbled that i was in rehab. i had been figuratively picking at my nails, wracked with misgivings and worry. but i was utterly flipped.
i left the complex feeling empowered. i had support. these people believed in me. i can believe in me.
today my therapist laid a blanket of normalcy over my downward pharmaceutical spiral. he said, "do you know how many chronically ill people become physically addicted to painkillers?"
it's still no excuse. but life's been a tough pill to swallow.
i so i have a thin veneer of joy sheathing my heart tonight. it does not smother the omnipresent pain in my gut or the ache in my heart, but i feel it's potential.
i touched my husband's face today. tonight i will sleep with maggie may and...
my creatinine was 0.8. the lowest ever. even immediately after surgery.
and i don't have to return to the transplant clinic for 3 months.
i am one fucking lucky girl.