Randy Pausch, I'm a Tigger!

I'm sure most of you have heard about this inspiring man....and if you haven't, what rock have you been living under?

Randy Pausch died at age 47 on July 25 from a brutal form of pancreatic cancer that metastasized to his liver. He is known primarily for "The Last Lecture", a presentation he gave at Carnegie Mellon and then reprised on the Oprah show.

I suppose it's a cliche to be inspired by his words, for millions have been, but I happen to love cliches, as I believe they are grounded in truth.

Fueled by his situation, Randy spoke eloquently about what our focus in life should be. You can dispute, but I happen to agree with every single thought.

What strikes me deeply is how a man so imminently faced with his mortality could be so joyous. So vibrant and clear. But he also admitted to sobbing - often- with his wife, and that makes me admire him even more.

And yet, he chose to HAVE FUN, embrace a child-like wonder and be a Tigger right up until the end....Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore?

What drives me insane, and this ties in with my ridiculously high standards, is that I still have Eeyore moments. I worry about money. I worry that our house has dropped in value. I worry about my stagnant acting career. I worry, I worry, I worry. Despite my chronic health issues, I still have days wrought with fear. And that drives me nuts. What's wrong with me?

Don't misunderstand. These thoughts don't plague me, but I admit they are a part of my world.

I don't care about things. I care about the people in my life. And I deeply believe the best way to nurture these relationships is to TELL THE TRUTH- all the time. It's the white lies and omissions that rob us of opportunities for growth (I'm quoting my friend H. now)... A Randy-ism - ignore what people say, it's what they do that matters. I believe it's the things we don't do that we'll regret. I don't think I'll care if I have 30 or 50 credits on my resume when I die. I will, however, care that I didn't hold my friend L.'s newborn for an hour until I felt like my arm was going to fall off...There's no moment that can replace that.

As I struggle with my feelings about "the business"; about whether or not I even care about being an actress anymore, I am comforted by this. FIND YOUR PASSION. Even if it's in your 30's or 40's when you find it. Who says that what you decide on when you're 8 years old should be your life's path? There's so much about "the business" that doesn't mesh with my personality. It doesn't make me want to jump out of bed in the morning anymore. I don't think that's the definition of passion...

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted". I suspect the experience was more valuable than the goal itself. And did I really want it after all?