i heart aa

aa is not a cult.

aa is not a gathering place for the tribe of the morally defective.

nor is aa a hub for the l.a. jet set; clutching their recyclable starbucks canisters, sucking down hard on camel lights (gone are the days of the styrofoam cup, half sloshed with rich, brown mud...).

for me, aa is a place that should be mandatory for all. like death and taxes.

it is not a crutch. it offers you one until you no longer need it, when you can pass it down to another hobbling soul...

it is not about religion. it is at heart, a spiritual program. about understanding yourself, your destructive ways of thinking and changing them, so that you can be of service to another...and another...and another...

and it is not about judgement. there is no "failure". the person who has 47 days (me) is as welcome as the person who has 48 years. for the 12 steps are a program that can be plugged into anyone's life at any time...

and everyone, everyone, should be able to experience who i did tonight. the coolest cat in los angeles...

al. half-mexican, half-irish, 48 years sober. who left my mind blown up, my heart packed full, and my body all taut; paralyzing excitement...

without a drop of self-pity, he told of his molestations and abuse as a child and moved gracefully into solution. practical tools for how he's lived a sober life.

and for the first time in 47 days, i truly understand what this disease is. is a disease of my thinking. i am learning how to change the way i think, and then create new solutions. pills/alcohol were not my problem. they were my solution.

[farewell ego...i loved ye well...]

and he made me understand how important these meetings are. the fellowship, understanding and compassion from instantly connecting with those in recovery. you do the work alone, no excuses, but you don't have to struggle alone, isolated...isolating is for the addicted...led by your sponsor; your guide, this community can be the steam under your wheels first slow to turn...

tonight, i am grateful for al.

and tonight, i stand in 100% belief of this:

if the whole world went to aa meetings, the world would be that better place that exists in all our dreams.