november 27, 1996.
15 years ago to the day we arrived in the city of angels.
our cherry-red, moon-roofed, danish-monikered, "trine the tercel" had finished puttering due south. she grazed across the 10 as her owners stared slack-jawed at all things l.a.... the hollywood sign! palm trees! intertwining cement monstrosities called freeways!
i squealed when i saw "ralph's"! a supermarket named after my beagle!
i squealed when i saw "the viper room"! that's where river phoenix died!
i squealed when i saw cedars-sinai medical center! so "beverly hills, 90210"!
[oh, the irony...]
with a mattress tied to our roof, a single plant, 90 fiorinol and 5 bottles of 200 tylenol 1s, i was ready to begin sifting for gold in the golden state...
[dreams often don't make sense, and often they turn into nightmares, but sometimes, sometimes, you become conscious enough to wake up...]
today, i am on disability.
today, i no longer have an agent.
today, i am on more immunosuppressives than i have ever been.
today, half my hair has fallen out.
we have debt, our house is worth nothing and we have been apart for 46 days.
today, i am in rehab...
but, i have been sober for 46 days.
i can't remember the last time i didn't pop a few codeine/fiorinol et al, have a glass of wine or buzz off the combo of two.
today, i really believe i could soar on new dreams, and they have nothing to do with credits on a resume, money in the bank, or the latest pret a porter...
[route 66 was travelled by a girl, who was in such a hurry to conquer the city of angels, that she didn't see she was already sitting next to an angel.]
i squeal, dreaming about running on with the healthiest transplant ever...
i squeal, dreaming about the animals i will help again...
i squeal, dreaming about the friends and family i will love again...
i squeal, dreaming about my husband and the joy i will see on his face again...
and i squeal, dreaming about "the little red haired girl" driving along route 66 (again)...for the first time.
today, i really believe i could soar on new dreams.
because i am already travelling one.
one day at a time.