About Me

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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

drugstore cowgirl

i've never been one to spring out of bed.

2 kidneys, one kidney, 10% of a kidney; i am a certified night owl.

but this morning, lying in bed, eyes fluttering open, it struck me how much longer it now takes me to drag my body up and out. never mind my mood which has always been questionable. "henriette's really not human in the morning". how eloquently my mother warned my future roommate. (for you, j.)

creak. creak. tightness in the hips. swollen fingers. tense jaw. puffy eyes. no, i have never felt "good day, sunshine" vital, but now i feel drained right from the get go.

over to my medication drawer.(yes, i have a drawer), and there it was. the latest addition to my unwanted family. like second cousins one frets about inviting to their wedding; i understand the significance of my drugs, but wish them far, far away.

i am now on sodium bicarbonate. my CO2 level last time was low, indicating fluid retention i.e. kidney failure.

["one step close to knowing"]

recently, i have been taking my pills with strawberry milk. certain juices are prohibited as they interfere with absorption, and water simply doesn't mask the taste of the non coated beast, prednisone. but there's another reason.

daddy used to make me strawberry milk.

it's one of the few endearing moments i can recall. it's like having my hand held, or my back rubbed as i swallow 18 pills in the morning and 10 pills at night. so i spin this twice daily ritual into something slightly comforting. and i take mr. sodium bicarbonate by the hand and begrudgingly say,

"welcome to the family".


  1. I do not know you nor am I able to completely understand all that you are going through but I was touched that what you are doing here is not complaining but sharing.

    I was inspired that through your struggle you had a ray of hope picture that showed that you have hope.

  2. tom, it's very meaningful to me that you would write this. i certainly have my challenging moments, but i deeply believe in commuicating everything, no matter how painful. it's what connects us all. thank you for being a part of my journey...

  3. I have posted a connection to your site on my blog.

    Kindest regards,
    Tom Bailey

  4. thank you, tom. you are a kind, generous soul...