kubrick's film was an exploration of man vs. technology; a groundbreaking cinematic journey of human evolution. innovative. stimulating. thought-provoking.
much like the journey i find myself traveling.
when i saw dr. dauer at cedars-sinai this morning, i was exhausted. a 9:15 am appointment never bodes well with this night owl. but, i was invigorated by my intentions. it was time to lay it all out on the examining table.
now hear this.
i am often exhausted beyond comprehension. unable to work out much, do many errands, and certainly no longer hold down a job. i told him about my constant headaches, insomnia, lethargy, nausea and tremors. and i asked. were we just waiting? waiting to get worse?
["oh, don't you put me on the back burner"]
my blood pressure was 140/90, so we changed my drugs once again.
my hemoglobin was 9.5 (low end normal 12), so i had a procrit shot. i may need these more frequently.
i had an H1N1 vaccine.
when my CBC comes back, he will evaluate my iron level, and there may be more we can do to help my energy.
and we will evaluate when my creatinine comes in.
["doctor, everything'll be alright"]
"I WILL FOLLOW that method of treatment which according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patient and abstain from whatever is harmful or mischievous."
first do no harm, indeed.
and reminding him of the downward spiral i find myself in, he validated, "it's depressing".
many have inquired as to why i am so unwell and waiting. and the short answer is, simply, there are thousands who are sicker than me. higher creatinines, greater nausea and endless dialysis.
so for now, i devolve. and i wait.
but like, the film, i trust one day, this human will evolve. man vs. technology will unite on my journey and i will wait no more.
there will be no HAL on my journey. there's no villian here.
my HAL will give me hope, vitality and sustenance.
and that's a film that's yet to be made.
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