my christmas time has always been riddled with melancholy. consumption. disney-esque enthusiasm. haunting carols. my father's favorite carol was "good king wenceslas". 31 years ago today, i lost my father at age 38. dec. 13th will always be infused with sadness and regret and loss.
and yet, the "true" meaning of christmas is the opposite. joyous celebration. a miraculous blessing and gift for mankind. but, i struggle. how to marry my endless grief with pious bounty.
i have no answers. as i have no answers for his death.
this was the photo displayed at his memorial service. do i wonder why i was the only one included? yes. but does it bring me joy?
yes. oh, yes.
my very own christmas time...