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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Sunday, December 13, 2009

death and the maiden

my christmas time has always been riddled with melancholy. consumption. disney-esque enthusiasm. haunting carols. my father's favorite carol was "good king wenceslas". 31 years ago today, i lost my father at age 38. dec. 13th will always be infused with sadness and regret and loss.

and yet, the "true" meaning of christmas is the opposite. joyous celebration. a miraculous blessing and gift for mankind. but, i struggle. how to marry my endless grief with pious bounty.

i have no answers. as i have no answers for his death.

this was the photo displayed at his memorial service. do i wonder why i was the only one included? yes. but does it bring me joy?

yes. oh, yes.

joyous celebration.

my very own christmas time...

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