instructions for the immunosuppressed on how to share your bed with your canine companion:
step 1: lay down sanitized tarp upon bed (alternatively, throw down a clean bedsheet).
step 2: encase hound in haz-mat suit (alternatively, enwrap in old towel).
step 3: strap 40's-style maxi pad to hound's anus (alternatively, attach a plastic bag).
step 4: soak paws in industrial strength, disinfecting cleanser (alternatively, use baby wipes).
step 5: attach bodily fluid, protective visor to face (alternatively, layman's goggles will suffice).
step 6: firmly cover hound's nose with protective mask. (this is a non-negotiable).
step 7: feel heart burst with happiness.
[i love you, ms. maggie may mcintyre]