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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Friday, April 22, 2011

afterglow dimmed

ah. the honeymoon period.

flushed cheeks, effusive excitement and (the hilarity of) physicians' proverbial cartwheels as my creatinine plummeted faster than the los angeles housing crash of '08.

but as our angel of mercy glides homeward tonight, high above the north american landscape, a queer melancholy hovers over this homestead.

as we are reluctantly weaned off pain meds, slowly settling into the life of the mundane, an arrow frenetically spins. uncontrollably. as we search for our new north.
for so long, a rigid spear was jammed stubbornly downwards; cemented.

renal failure, dialysis, transplantation...

[sell, sell, sell...]

and now we peer through a mesh veil of uncertainty, squinting away from the known; ever so tentatively towards the unknown. the scariest prospect yet.

my 3rd post-transplant clinic fluttered deep; more like panicked moths than the vibrancy of a monarch butterfly.
my creatinine inched upwards from 0.9 to 1.1.
my BUN moved from a low of 8 to 15.
[still well within normal range...]

but for hennybird; the bossy boots, competitive, ferocious type "A",  there was a most unfamiliar flicker of desire. to flatline for a while.

this is my kid.

what happens to her is my future investment.
a slight protective increase in medication, chased by white blood cells and blood in my urine.

heart-piercing reminders that the initial spotlight of opening night must eventually burn out. but the ultra- chic, cutting edge dimmer switch remains.

occasionally it will blind us. and today, it's turned down low.

way low.

[but, mood lighting still works for this kid...]

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