june 9th

there are some dates that cause ice to flow through your veins; that make your stomach drop.

for me, that date is june 9th.

on that date, at 7:15 am, for 4-5 hours, i meet my future "team" at cedars-sinai.

that includes my nephrologist, urologist, surgeon, transplant coordinator, financial analyst, dietitian and social worker.

a plethora of comments have been bestowed. "we are so happy for you", "i am so excited", "you must be so relieved"...

nothing could be farther from the truth.

the booklet of information fills me with dread.

what if kevin isn't a match? what if i reject within the first year, as is common? there are a multitude of drugs i need to take post-transplant. and what about the increase in prednisone and immunosuppressives? it will leave me tired, sick and weak.

so june 9th looms large.

but this is my journey. "you are where you are supposed to be"...

so cherish your health. rejoice in your energy. and love, love, love.

for my road is challenging, lonely and isolating.

but, i have hope. it may be fleeting, but it's there.

it's there.