About Me

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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Monday, February 9, 2009

Forever 21

I am mad, mad, mad.

I miss being vital, invigorated and active. Yeah, I'm jealous. Jealous of those who jump out of bed in the morning. What a gift. It's a decorated box I wish I could unwrap and hold close to my heart.

January 26th was the 21st anniversary of my transplant. I spent the day in bed, and lay there for 3 days. Ah, such has become my life. I am now down to 10-15% kidney function. I suspect dialysis is not too far behind. As my Canadian doctor so eloquently put it, kidney disease is a life long issue.

It infuriates me.

I miss my life more than I can articulate.

I am fearful of dialysis. I am fearful that I will wait years for a transplant.

And I feel so very alone.

Chronic illness is very isolating. I don't think anyone fully understands the journey involved. But how can they? It's my
challenge. My mountain. And my cross to bear.

And despite it all, I will always be Forever 21.


  1. I love you and wish I could help carry your cross with you, walk along you with you as you climb your mountain. I can't imagine how dark it gets in your nights but wish I could send some ray of light and rays of hope. Keep the faith hugs and kisses brave cousin of mine

  2. i love you so much. you are so amazing and compassionate. h xo