About Me

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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Tea Time

Being of Danvian decent (a phrase coined for me when I worked at The Shaw Festival), I have always been a tea drinker. I like it strong, with lots of milk, and a little bit sweet. Is this a Danish or Latvian trait? Who cares really, because recently it seems I have been attending my tea parties alone. Hey, I'm brave enough to admit I've indulged in the occasional pity party. The tea has been flowing, but the guests have been few.

And thankfully so.

Even my husband won't attend, refusing to indulge my feelings of inadequacy and self-pity. Who dropped this guy into my lap 18 years ago?

Despite the caves of depression I crawl into upon occasion where I find myself alone, save for that cup of tea, (which does BTW come in handy when the dark moments overwhelm...), no-one else will join me there...

I may not be acting, or doing makeup, or writing the great Canadian-American-Danish novel, or starting my organizational business, but it just doesn't matter. I am alone at these pity parties because no-one else subscribes to my self-deprecating way of thinking...They just won't let me. So I guess I've done something right after all.

But upon reflection, perhaps it speaks more about the people who enrich my life. I think about these people every day. The friends who are willing to give me a new kidney so that my life can be vibrant again. It bears repeating. I THINK ABOUT THESE PEOPLE EVERY DAY. There is a casual commitment from most. A generosity that stuns me. A beautiful "of course" I can barely wrap my head around. It's not casual by any definition. And it leaves me humbled.

There have already been 5 souls ruled out; Elyssa, Karin, Jessica, Chantal, and Sharon. Damn the B blood type! But their gestures. Their gestures have inspired me...

And then there are the ones still on board. Kevin, Kim, Kelly, Lisa, Marcia, Anne Marie, Bradley, Sarah, Snow, Scott, Richard ("fuck, you can have my kidney"), Katie, Angela, Alan, Mary-Jane, and also Trisha, Alexis, Alice, Jennifer, Karen, Suzanne, Brittany, Natalie. It's ridiculous. In the most magical sense of the word. I am rich beyond belief. My life may be on hold in one way, but in another it is thriving.

I often think about those who wait years for a transplant. Those who suffer on dialysis. Of course, this list is no guarantee that I will find a match, but I'm thinking my odds are right up there with Kate Winslet taking home the Oscar.

And so here's my promise. To all of those who have offered me hope. I want to honor their gift in the best way I can. By being the best person I can every day. Despite the bed ridden times, the side effects and the river of Denial I may be riding on.

I figure if these people believe in me, then I have absolutely no excuse...

And to that I lift my mug of tea...


  1. Hey beautiful,
    I hope you still know, you can always have my kidney. hey, who needs two anyway. I am O+. I wish I could support you better, or be a better friend. I feel helpless so far away, and out of touch for so long. Just know we love you very much!
    I wish I could drop by for tea. Everyone needs a pity party now and again.
    Hugs and kisses
    nicole (and family)

  2. Honey, if there's anyone I would give my kidney to it's you! Someone who honours and lives life so fully - you are an inspiration!

    I continue to have this feeling that I'm going to be the one...is that a weird thing to post publicly?

    Anyway, this type A+ is standing by waiting for instructions and raising my cup of tea to your courage and your honesty!

    AM xo

  3. I have been known to indulge in my own pity parties!

    I lift my tea cup up to you and let you know that you and Kevin inspire me everyday with your strength and love and beauty!

  4. Bloom, Anne Marie and Nurby...you inspire me and fill my heart up with inspiration...thank you for your love and support! h xo