#howtohashtagyourtransplantjoy

i did NOT need Kevin to drive me to Cedars-Sinai today. #sobergirl #healthyasahorse

i DID need someone to pass me a kleenex as i became a little verklempt at the sight of my ol' stompin' grounds. #handsfreecrying

i DID "Praise Jesus!"/The Parking Gods Above when i squeezed into a compact spot between 2 SUVs at The Steven Spielberg Building. #bigcarssuck #soearly90s

i did NOT hesitate to sanitize my hands upon entering the building. although it makes my hands smell like vodka, it really should be branded as "L'Eau De Cedars". #perfumeforthepatient

i DID refrain from making a snippy comment when the nurse's assistant explained to me how to put a thermometer under my tongue. #32yearsapatient #notmyfirstrodeo

i DID take a picture of my blood pressure because it is so outstanding (see below). #nobloodpressuremedication

i did NOT freak out when my favorite blood lab technician cried, "You look so good! You've gained some weight!" #thisisacompliment

i DID calm my inner anorexic by remembering this means i am no longer a 97-pound crack whore. #sobergirl #itbearsrepeating

i did NOT hesitate when the nurse's assistant asked me if i had any pain. "No." #zeroonthepainscale

i DID flinch for the time when that wasn't the case. #10 #alwayssay10

i did NOT hesitate when my transplant coordinator asked me how i've been doing. "Good". #righteousreflex

i DID feel a Mama's pride when I gave her the list of my daily medications. 4. just 4. (and 3 for migraines.) #nothingforbloodpressure #nothingfordepression #nothingforheadaches #nothingforkidneyfailure #nothingforpain

i did NOT freak out when an hour passed and i thought the doctor had forgotten about me. #PTSD #latchkeykid

i DID feel weird when moved to room 266 where they performed a needle extraction on The Kid. #babyrejectingitsmother

i did NOT place a secret phone call to my pain management doctor/gastroenterologist/nephrologist/neurologist begging for pain medication. #waituntilthebookcomesout

i DID almost get locked in the public bathroom when the handle fell off. #donatetocedarsnow

i did NOT take a selfie today. #selfcontrol

i did check-in on Facebook #socialmediawhore

i did NOT shy away from discussing farts, poops and pee with the new resident. #fartsarealwaysfunny

i DID get to show the new resident my kidney.  #damn #giveanoldladyathrill

i did NOT hesitate to gloat with my transplant doctor and coordinators that my creatinine is still lower than Kevin's. #poorkevin #myhusbandiscoolerthanyours

i DID make them bust out laughing. kidney humor is awesome when it's not about buying a kidney on Ebay. #nolamesitcomjokeshere #youhadtobethere

i did NOT forget what my favorite blood lab technician said after my update. "And now you are taking care of Kevin. See how everything works out? Poetry." #everythinghappensforareason #lovemylife

i DID give her a huge hug, because she still loved me when I was a 97-pound crack whore. #bloodaintthickerthanwater

i did NOT overreact when i called my transplant coordinator AND the on-call transplant coordinator in a panic for my creatinine results. #ididnot #pillarofcalm

i DID shake and cry like a detoxing, self-imploding addict when the result of "1.0" came in. except i am no longer addicted. i am sober. and healthy. and free. #notondialysis #justfortoday

"No changes. We will see you in a year."

#idonotwantwhatihaventgot