About Me

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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Monday, May 9, 2011

totally tubular

TGIF.

and not because i hate my job. i have no job. technically. right now this "disabled" damsel is officially unemployed and purely focused on loving her "no-longer-troubled-kidney". (ureter tubes crossed!). although driving as often as we do to cedars, tolerating appointments, tests and medication fluctuations; and pondering pontificating physicians feels like a surreal, part-time job. i feel more at home slogging along those sterile halls, than zipping up my own driveway. traipsing the hallways of cedars has become more frequent than holding court upon my ceramic throne...

[and i am one co-dependent queen of that commode...]

but, friday was the day i'd been coveting since march 14th. blogger back to a post entitled "the kid stays in the picture" (march 16th) and relive the day i was administered propofol (michael jackson's "milk"), had a permacath surgically implanted above my right breast, and henceforth could no longer shower, bathe or luxuriate in anything grander than a sponge bath...

[although, 'tis not the worst thing to have uberhubby loofah your back...]

i awaken every morning in one drowsy, discombobulated state. for so long my life was identified by illness; pigeonholed as inept, incapable and validation as elusive as osama bin laden (was?)....but, steadily, as the day unfolds, my hypothetically hunched backbone unfurls in tandem with my heart... i shake off the morning's gloomy fog and find fortitude within life's tiniest treasures...celebrating nothing more complicated than exiting the granny-smith-apple-green walls of my bedroom after 5 months. like a flag flapping in the majestic, morning breeze, not burning in protest on the ground...progression, not transgression...

["pleasure, little treasure..."]

this depeche mode lyric has been running through my head all weekend. trending upwards, these tiny treasures ground, excite and inspire me to prevail and hoist these mud-slathered limbs from my quicksand of limbo...

["friday, i'm in love"...]

silently, dare i suggest sleepily, we drove the hackneyed highway to cedars, propelled solely by autopilot. but as the hospital infrastructure came into view, a tingling of excitement quickly roused this night owl.

little treasure #1: last day required to wear a mask!
little treasure #2: blooming bloodwork...
little treasure #3: crushing on my pee...
little treasure #4: red carpet photo-op...
little treasure #5: best oatmeal in town...zagat rated...3 star michelin...
little treasure #6: in order to acquit, you must admit...
little treasure #7: "you'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile..."
little treasure #8: bedside bonding...
little treasure #9: still waiting 4 hours later...at least i'm not in line at the post office...
little treasure #10: hospital "hummerzine"...rolling to surgery in style...
little treasure #11: rip this out of me already! (i can do it; i've got guns...)
little treasure #12: got the hair, the moves...yup. j-lo's got nothin' on me...
little treasure #13: beautiful bodyguard, diana...
little treasure #14: take 2: double the procedure; double the fun...
little treasure #15: one, two, three and my stent is freed...
homecoming...exhausted, but tube free, and fairly frothing at the mouth in anticipation of that hot, bubbly, liquid confection awaiting me. giddy as a teenager in love, i twirled around our bathroom; soon-to-be-sanctuary. candles softly flickering (for b.), jets surging bubbles (for s.) and aromatherapy delicately wafting throughout...notes mozart never hit...

little treasure #16: liquid liberation; freedom in bubbles...
[like, so totally tubular, dude.]

and then i took a moment to look at my body. really scrutinize and soak in the reflection of a 42 year old woman, medical miracle and born again soul.

little treasure #17: (oh, please!) reject stealth...for health is my wealth...
with zero guarantees and no extended warranty; fulfilling my new dreams, goals and aspirations will take time. time to identify. time to finesse. and time to execute.

it keeps me clear. it fills me with fear...but i am fully here. ("the big chill": feb. 13th )

but to inaugurate this odyssey with a bath?...i just can't think of a better way...

[splish, splash, i was taking a bath...]

can you?

p.s. little treasure #18: these two...

1 comment:

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