needles and pins

in just over 2 weeks, i will celebrate the 22nd anniversary of my transplant. my greatest accomplishment. i swell with pride over this.

it's not my nearly 15 year old marriage. not my accomplished resume. not my diploma from the sunset/gower makeup academy. not running 6 miles a day, when i assumed it out of reach for me. not our brave move to los angeles. and not the friends i adore.

it is the kidney that has lasted over 15 years longer than most.

when i met k in 1991, we discovered his birthday and my "kidney date" were one and the same. i remember noting, "we will be special friends because of this", and to this day, he remains the most special soul in my life...

yeah, i'm a corn dog.

today at cedars-sinai, i felt invigorated. ludicrous, perhaps, but happiness was mine. i have a doctor that has my absolute best interests at heart. respect, care and intelligent thought...and the receptionist, manager and nurses treat me with deep and considerate regard. impeccable in their care. "how are you today, ms.ivanans?"...take a deep breath in with the poke"..."i phoned in your meds for you"..."hello, henriette" (from the manager)...

there i feel cared for. i feel heard and sheltered. safety. protection.

amazing.

so he reduced my norvasc to 5 mg a day, kept me on inderal and introduced lasix (a diuretic), as well...hopefully this will reduce my blood pressure and swelling. oh, and my hemoglobin was normal. so, no epogin shot today. can't deny this swelled my heart.

joy, joy.

i await with bated breath for my blood results. tension. stress. hope.

when i was in winnipeg, i had a long chat with my dear uncle t. i felt understood when he concurred that i had every right to feel sorry for myself. he noted it would be surprising if i didn't. and when he spoke of my challenging life...i felt loved. understood. and without judgment. he spoke of the waste i must feel in my life; endless waiting that must pain me.

waste not, want not...

i have many in my corner. reverent adoration is mine.

i have been poked for over 28 years. does it hurt? no. bother me? no. because results bring information, data and knowledge.

a stinging prick i embrace.

and so i celebrate this picture. the fruitful outcome of the tubes of blood ground me.

it's part of my life. no, the bulk of it without question.

so, hit me with your best shot...