About Me

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Los Angeles, California
I am 47 and thriving in Southern California. One day at a time.
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Sunday, October 11, 2015

At least I don't have my health. (Canadian Thanksgiving)

I am thankful I feel so lonely today. Loneliness means I miss my 20 year-old marriage that is finally in its honeymoon stage.

I am thankful my husband is not at home today. His absence means he is away singing his heart out and living his dream.

I am thankful I never became a movie star. Failure means I found my way to my true passion. The stringing of words. The telling of story. The heartbreaking, ecstatic, hair-tearing exhilaration of writing a book. 

I am thankful I lost my kidneys at age 13. Chronic illness means I walk around with a piece of my mother and a piece of my husband inside me 24/7, 365 days of the year. And by piece, I mean, kidney.

I am thankful the virus I caught in March has flared up. I am thankful for my itching, burning and prickling skin. I am thankful I catch viruses, colds and infections easily. Discomfort reminds me that I have a suppressed immune system. And I have a suppressed immune system to keep Kevin's kidney inside of me. Which saves my life.

I am thankful for this morning's migraine. Pain reminds me that even I can still take my health for granted—like running water or the sunrise. And when the sun rises again, without a migraine or a virus or dialysis, the day can't get any better.

I am thankful I was once on dialysis. Suffering means I now know what hell on earth is. And that you can survive it.

I am thankful I am an alcoholic. Loss means I now know Daddy did not die because he was bad or weak. He was just sick. That he loved us, but the disease loved him more. Because I get to understand his torment in a way no-one else ever will. And just because he could not find his way back to us, does not mean he ever wanted to lose his way.

I am thankful I am a drug addict. My Death means I have found my way to my god at last.

1 comment:

  1. Let this be your catalyst to Seventh-Heaven:

    'The more you shall honor Me,
    the more I shall bless you'
    -the Infant Jesus of Prague
    (<- Czech Republic, next to Russia)

    Love him or leave him or indifferent...
    better lissen to the Don:

    If you deny o'er-the-Hillary's evil,
    which most whorizontal demokrakkrs do,
    you cannot deny Hellfire
    which YOU send YOURSELF to.

    Yes, earthling, I was an NDE:
    the sights were beyond extreme.
    Choose Jesus.
    You'll be most happy you did.
    God bless your indelible soul.