it's friday the 13th and that's alright with me.

december 13th.

today was the day my Daddy died 35 years ago. it still hurts.

today was the day i got out of rehab 2 years ago, after 60 days. it's still hard.

there are no coincidences.

there is no such thing as "closure."

life is unfair.

but it can still be fun making a list about it.

THE DANVIAN TOP 40 COUNTDOWN of THINGS THAT ARE UNFAIR—with your hostess HENNYBIRD

40. it is unfair that Christmas has always been a season of melancholy for me. i do not need to watch "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" ever again. The Queer Elf, from The Island of The Misfit Toys—who just wants to be a Dentist—throws me over the arctic edge. and can i watch "It's a Wonderful Life" once, just ONCE, without completely losing it? [is this possible for anyone?]

39. it is unfair that i will never taste Daddy's tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches again.

38. it is unfair that U2's last album was kinda shite. [it really was.]

37. it is unfair that there exists no such career as professional groupie. [which is ironic considering the last statement.]

36. it is unfair that there are no words to describe a California sunset.

35. it is unfair that i can't appreciate running water more.

34. it is unfair that Daddy didn't get to walk me down the aisle.

33. it is unfair that i can't hug my niece, nephews and godsons whenever i want. [living in Winnipeg, Saskatoon and Tennessee—except for the ones in Pasadena!]

32. it is unfair that you post pictures of food on Facebook.

31. it is unfair that i burst into tears whenever i hear Dick van Dyke sing "Hushabye Mountain."

30. cellulite. [enough said.]

29. it is unfair that black licorice and coconut popsicles are not Superfoods. [like that ever stopped me.]

28. it is unfair that "Breaking Bad" ever had to end.

27. it is unfair that Fiorinal is addictive.

26. it is unfair that kidneys don't grow on trees.

25. diseasepovertyracismdiscrimination

24. it is unfair that i will never have tea with Bedstemor and Bedstefar again.

23. it is unfair that some people are paid well for doing nothing and others are paid nothing for doing well.

22. it is unfair that lilacs don't bloom all year long.

21. it is unfair that i cannot eat up my basset hound with a spoon. [because then she would be gone.]

20. it is unfair that i really couldn't have children.

19. it is unfair that i still have guns of steel and a belly of pudge. [and what the fuck is this back fat?]

18. it is unfair that "they" dared to remake "The Sound of Music—LIVE!" seriously. shame.

17. it is unfair that i have still not found the perfect pen. [this is my inner "Anne Shirley" plaintive cry.]

16. it is unfair that the Kardashians won't go away.

15. it is unfair that Daddy and I will never sing "Yellow Submarine" together again.

14. it is unfair that i cannot be alcoholic one day a week, a "day off" like Sundays,—like on the "Body For Life" program.

13. it is really unfair that orgasms don't last for an hour. [although the multiple thing is pretty rad.]

12. it is unfair that anyone is on dialysis.

11. it is unfair that no-one sings "Hallelujah" like K.D. Lang.

10. it is unfair that we just discovered "Dexter". [no spoilers!]

9. it is unfair how much i have grown to love and defend the bagpipes. ["they really are accomplished, talented players! and sexy! dead sexy!"]

9a. it is unfair that Daddy never heard Kevin play the bagpipes.

8. it is unfair that there does not exist a street named in Kevin's honor. [although i hear his mum is working on it.]

7. it is unfair how much i love you, E., for those 60 days.

6. it is unfair how much i love my in-laws for those 60 days.

5. it is unfair how much i love writing.

4. it is unfair that anyone pushingashoppingcart/living underneathabridge/beggingbythefreeway/livinginabox is ever judged or dismissed or ostracized. i am the same. i am exactly the same. but for the grace of god.

3. it is unfair that Kevin ever has to know another second of pain.

2. it is unfair that i will never go to an AA meeting with my Daddy.

1. it is unfair the amount of peace and love i hold in my heart today. on december 13th. today of all days.