solitary confinment

so my entry about june 9th left me melancholy.

yes, there might be hope; but reading my pamphlet left me cold.

i have had frequent panic attacks this week.

the monumental forms have left me stone cold; scared beyond belief.

i appreciate all the warm love and support; but there is so much more on this journey...

an e-mail or entry on face book is warming and helpful.

but, a wall post is a minute at best; and i still have 23 hours and 59 minutes to suffer through.

so, judge me if you dare. i really don't care. chronic illness is a long and winding road. i can't work; have limits that leave me saddened and painful side effects.

so hope? good spirits? and expectation for the future? give me a break.

ah, when i was 19, i was sick and depressed. and nothing much has changed.

perhaps, this entry is gloomy; but i mourn all i have lost.

so, please understand my voyage.

i am scared, fearful and anxious.

wednesday the 9th will be stressful.

so, hold my hand during this day. i need it. i crave it and desire your love.

please help me through this time.